If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
