Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
