Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
did i just pee glitter
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
