Your face is a jimmy john
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
