the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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