I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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