he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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