I want to have your abortion
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
