Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I will be naked everywhere
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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