i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
