i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
