I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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