So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
