He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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