did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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