it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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