I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
