Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
