yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
