I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
