so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just blew my weed a kiss
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
