i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
