Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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