Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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