I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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