I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
