I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
