Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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