i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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