Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
