K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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