They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
