Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
