census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
