my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
