I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I smell stomach acid.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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