goodnight i made you a song goodbye
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
