probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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