It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
