Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
