a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
