Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
