Hey man sorry I got all grabby
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
