He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
what day is it and did you see me today?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
