she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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