Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
