she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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