And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
