oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
