I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
