I'm really into asian looking animals
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
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you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
FUCK WHALES
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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