Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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