you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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