we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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