never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
