Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I smell like Dick and happiness
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
