I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
