since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
