You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
