the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
