I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
