well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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