But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
