You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
