also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
