Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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