Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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