Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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