The maid of honor just puked.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
