a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have tasted many bathrooms
that is very illegal...i love you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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