I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I will be naked everywhere
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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