Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
