i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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