roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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